Birthday Wishes

Usually as a someone who was born so close to X-mas I don’t typically get to go all out in celebrating my birthday. But this year feels different. Maybe not an all out party but the energy feels full of excitement for the future.

While I had been self-employed for a couple years beginning in the summer of 2018 (until I technically became an employee at the yoga studio where I taught) it was not an overall joyous time. My mother’s health was declining, she left this world in early 2019, the pandemic hit then I had three major surgeries from 2020-2022. Recovering emotionally and physically took a long time. I’ve been fully self employed again since August and it finally feels like I get the chance to live how I’ve dreamed of for so long. I know the ups and downs of navigating self-employment will never completely smooth or plateau but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. My time is my own, I have the freedom to explore all the new ideas, designs, projects and ventures I have in mind for 2024. Also I’m excited to share that I’m able to return to Tucson this year for the gem and mineral show, where I will be able to learn sandcasting!

The new year can sometimes be a scary time for those of us who are self-employed. January can be a slow month, sales tax is due, fees for any upcoming shows/markets/expos are due… and I feel I am moving forward into new directions. With that in mind I want to clear out space in my studio for new work. Over the week of 12/18-12/22 I will be posting jewelry, crystal and perhaps more in my Instagram stories at a deep discount. Even taking home just a little something will help me out in my new ventures. Shipping is definitely an option and local pick up will be available on Friday, December 22 at Déjà Vu Esoterica in Southtown San Antonio.

See you soon!

2 Years later…

Feeling my worst

Post Double Mastectomy and DIEP flap breast reconstruction

Feeling my best

Photoshoot with Angela Michelle of Raven Red Photography

Did you know that October is breast cancer awareness month?

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It’s coincidently this month two years ago that I had my double mastectomy and DIEP flap breast reconstruction. The year before that I had a full hysterectomy. I have BRCA2, a genetic defect/marker that puts me at high risk of (listed in the highest risk order) Breast, ovarian, colon, melanoma and pancreatic cancers. I always make sure to mention the other cancers that are at higher risk with BRCA2 because I feel like it’s not talked about enough. To decrease my risk drastically I’ve opted for preventive hysterectomy and mastectomy surgeries. If I could cut out my pancreas, believe me, I do that too.

Throwback to the feeling my best and to feeling my worst physically. Best: photoshoot with @ravenredphoto Worst: post surgery.

This surgery was the most physically painful and challenging thing I’ve ever been through. I spent three days in the hospital. My first and second…. and third steps after surgery (with a walker) felt like my body was being split in half. In the thick of it I couldn’t even fathom six months or a year down the line. It was a full five or six weeks before I could stand up without being hunched over (In a DIEP flap reconstruction several inches of abdominal tissue is removed) it was a full year after my revision surgery (6 months after the mastectomy) that I even felt remotely strong again. These days I’m still working on feeling at home in my body, getting used to the scars, the little to no sensation in several parts. With multiple major surgeries my body just feels different. I have been needing/wanting to talk more about body image and post surgery trauma but it’s taken me some time to digest all that I’ve been through, healing is not a straight line.

Whenever I come up against something challenging, or I feel something like imposter syndrome or like I’m not capable I remind myself that I’ve already been through some of the most difficult things a person could go through. I’m (mostly) on the other side of it.

Whenever I tell someone in person that I’ve had a mastectomy, they immediately looked down at my breasts with the look of disbelief on their face, unintentionally I’m sure. One of the benefits of DIEP flap reconstruction is a natural look but make no mistake breast reconstruction is not augmention or a “boob job”, with augmentation, you still have your nipples, you still have sensation in your breasts. There’s a price to pay for lowering your risk of cancer but personally I think it’s worth it. I don’t want to die the way many of my family members have died.

*TLDR: When talking to previvors, survivors, or speaking about this subject at all please don’t compare it to augmentation. Same with comparing DIEP flap to a tummy tuck, it’s just not the same for so many reasons.

I’m not sharing my story for sympathy, I’m sharing for awareness. If there’s any history of any type of cancer in your family, especially an immediate relative talk to your doctor and get genetic testing done (in most cases testing AND preventative surgery is covered by your insurance). I know it can be an incredibly scary thing to tackle but putting off health and medical issues is never beneficial. If several of my family members had sought medical attention sooner they might still be alive today. And this HAS to be said: if your doctor doesn’t think you need genetic testing or doesn’t think you need annual screenings when you have a genetic cancer marker FIND A NEW DOCTOR. In 2020 I had some strange abdominal/pelvic pain and though it was only for a short amount of time (only a day or two) I knew something was wrong. I spoke to my gynecologist but she waved away my concerns and said I was too young to start doing cancer screenings even though she knew I was BRCA2 positive. I immediately sought a second opinion with an oncologist. A CA 125 blood test showed unusually high markers and an abdominal ultrasound showed I had a mass on my left ovary. While benign ovarian cysts are not uncommon, since I’m at high risk for ovarian cancer I didn’t want to do a biopsy every six months/year, I opted for a hysterectomy. Post surgery my doctor concluded that I had stage four endometriosis, meaning the endometrial cells had formed a mass and attached my ovary to my intestine which was causing me pain. If I had waited just a few more months part of my intestine might have needed to be removed causing a much more arduous recovery. I highly recommend the doctors at Texas Oncology and PRMA Plastic Surgery, I am forever grateful for them as well all the nurses and PAs who took care of me and continue to do so.

I know it’s a lot. You’re more capable than you think, you’re stronger than you think, tackling the harder things is a true act of self-care.

Current Struggles

Hello lovely human. First of all I want to thank you for reading this. 

I’ve been struggling lately, well for a while actually. You see I’m a 35 year old woman who’s now in full on menopause. Why? If you know me personally or have followed my work/page for a while you may know that in Sept 2020 I had a full hysterectomy due to a mass on my left ovary and being BRCA2 positive (a genetic mutation that dramatically increases my risk of breast, ovarian, pancreatic cancers and melanoma). Since I am at high risk for breast cancer I cannot take hormones until after a prophylactic mastectomy & breast reconstruction which I hope to do later this year. 

I knew about hot flashes and night sweats as common symptoms but what I didn’t know much about or expect was mood swings. I’m sure it’s different for everyone but I’m talking intense mood swings, one day I feel great, so joyful with all my attention on the current moment the next day.... I can’t seem to find anything to smile about and on the really bad days the tears just won’t stop. I think like many difficult things in life, like death and mental illness, menopause just isn’t talked about much. So when you go through it and it’s really bad for you what do you do? I feel so unprepared to deal with this but with compassion I remind myself that I’m doing my best. In this new but liminal state I’m having to re-navigate finding a work flow & creative inspiration which isn’t always easy. Another symptom of menopause is fog brain, an inability to focus on a particular thought or task. With that being said my posting & collection releases are probably going to be pretty irregular but I hope you’ll bare with me and continue to follow along my journey. Sometimes in this capitalist system we live in, we may need a reminder that we are not machines, mindlessly making products for consumption. I’m am only human and in order to create art I need to take care of myself, honor my mind & body which at this time in my life means prioritizing rest and spending more time in nature. 

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In sharing this I hope someone out there struggling with the same situation knows they’re not alone. 

My Patreon Launch

Taking on something new isn’t something I do lightly. I’ve been thinking for quite a long time how to facilitate a better or more authentic relationship with my “customers”(That word doesn’t encompass all that a client means to an artist). I’ve been wanting to share more of my process, behind the scenes and just more about myself. The problem in that lies with social media. Sometimes, for me, it can feel like I’m releasing things out into the world and no one‘s listening or taking it in, which as you can imagine doesn’t feel very good. The fact is that the algorithm being the way it is, unless you post all the time & are constantly on the app...then less and less of your followers actually see your posts. The main reason I joined Instagram years ago was to share my art. But I don’t like feeling that likes, views and numbers dictate how successful I am. And in order to keep my creative juices flowing and take the breaks I need for my mental health I have to disengage from social media fairly regularly. There lies the conundrum, I still want to share my art...

Patreon will be the place I can share, without distractions, without scrolling, the place I can connect directly with those who are actually HERE 👏🏽FOR 👏🏽IT 👏🏽 

You are here and reading this, thank you! I feel Patreon is a step forward in sharing my art and connecting with you more. 

What to expect: 

• Blog style posts

• Behind the scenes videos

• When I reach 20 + Patrons I will do a monthly Patron only giveaway

• Patrons get first/24hr ahead access to new collections & shop updates via website password

• Patron only discount codes

As with many new things I’m sure there will be bumps and curves in the road ahead, I hope you’ll stay with me as I smooth these out. 

To become a patron visit 

www.patreon.com/loveartstyle 

Learning and expanding…

A couple weeks before my trip to Tucson I had a very intense moment of doubt. Up to this point with jewelry making I have been completely self taught. I had booked two metalsmithing workshops with Vivi Magoo, both of which were taught by Erin Harris, a seasoned metalsmith with a plethora of skills to share. So late one evening an ugly fraud monster reared its head. I had the very clear though: What am I doing going on this trip, taking these classes, its irresponsible to spend this money on something I don’t NEED, I won’t succeed…these classes are far to advanced for me…

After only a few minutes I firmly shook the thoughts away. This was fear talking, trying to keep me from going where I wanted to be. Also as a very pragmatic person, I had already paid for these classes (there were no refunds so close to the date), my flight, a deposit on my accommodations…. so I was f*cking going whether I was full of doubt or not.

I must say Vivi Magoo chose the perfect venue for their “Dessert” workshops. Nestled in the foothills in the Santa Catalina mountains, the stunning Westin La Paloma resort and spa soothed any lingering doubts. Erin Harris was the perfect instructor, she was patient, provided class notes, made sure to take the time to address any questions and walk each student through steps that they found difficult. Not only did I enjoy both workshops I excelled. There were some tricky soldering steps but I completed these pretty smoothly. For some reason I had the idea that I was somewhat behind in my metalsmithing journey but from what I could tell I was most likely the youngest person in each workshop. The truth is lots of artists suffer from self doubt. Its important to not let fear get in the way of your journey, it will only keep you from achieving the progress you’re looking for.